Busy-ness: Is What’s Keeping you Busy Helping you Grow?

People tell me all of the time how busy they are and if they weren’t so busy they could be doing this or that. I am one of those “too busy” people. I made excuses for not doing the things I said were important to me.

Sometimes we hide behind our busyness and use it as a way to shield ourselves from the real work inside ourselves. If we stay to busy we don’t let ourself have the time to think about things that may be bothering us or may need to be addressed and dealt with.

I can raise my hand high to this, but recently I set a boundary to start letting go of the “busy” and start focusing on the work I want to put in for myself. How about you? Are you staying too busy for a reason?

Getting Called Out And Looking Inward.

Reflection of myself and letting go of the fear of being accepted.

How many times has this happened to you?

Someone pays you a compliment and you deflect it by complimenting them back or shrugging it off as no big deal?

How many times have you asked someone how their day was; not really being interested in knowing, but just to make conversation?

How often have you been the person who was asked how their day was and breezed over it by saying “it was good” or “I am good”? Because you don’t want to appear like you’re a whiner or you don’t have your shit together?

I did this today. And thank goodness I have a good friend who questioned me about it and made me stop and think.

I like to appear like I’ve got all my shit together; but honestly I don’t. I still worry if I am saying the right thing to the right person or if what I’ve said will upset someone. That’s the part of me that I need to work on some more. It doesn’t matter if what I say isn’t like by everyone; I have the right to my own thoughts and opinions. Those people who are genuine and true will love me for who I am. The rest can go take a hike.

I need to learn to get comfortable in the silence; the awkwardness of no conversation. (Thanks for the reminder of this too Paul).

I don’t have all the answers and that’s ok. So instead of trying to fill the silence with surface conversation; I will be more aware of what I am saying and who I am saying it to. No more fluff. If I ask you how your day is; it’s because I really want to know. If I compliment you; it’s because I want to, not because I expect one in return.

I will also work on accepting compliments without deflecting them. This is going to be a true challenge for me. And I challenge the rest of you to do the same.

Get comfortable sitting in an awkward silence. Practice saying a simple “Thank You” and nothing more when someone compliments you.

I am here raising my hand, owning my own shit and admitting I am still PERFECTLY IMPERFECT and always a work in progress.

Thank you April for holding up the mirror for me today. You are a true friend and blessing.

All Or Nothing Mindset

I am working to get through my “all or none” mindset. I am working on moderation. I am working on allowing myself to do things and have things that I like or want, without feeling guilty.

I think because I’ve always struggled with overdoing, I think I have to either have it all or nothing. It’s hard for me to accept that I can have a little of something and be satisfied, or do a little of something and be okay with it.

Take, for instance, the damn scotcheroo I had this afternoon at work. I had one of those moments where I scarfed it down because I felt guilty for eating it. So instead of taking my time and enjoying it, I barely tasted it. What is there to feel guilty about? Not a darn thing. That’s what this life is about- allowing ourselves to enjoy the things we want-without feeling guilty.

I am working on my mindset of not feeling guilty. I am working on the mindset of allowing myself treats, allowing myself some down time. I was reminded, again, this morning talking to a friend, that I don’t have to be the end all for everyone. As long as I am the end all for me, that is enough.

There is nothing wrong with dreaming and pursuing my passions. To reach towards the fuel that keeps my fire burning bright.  But it’s also okay to just be me.  Good, Bad and Ugly. All of the time, no matter what.

So the next time I want to eat the scotcheroo, I’ll take my time and savor the taste of the chocolate, the peanut butter and I’ll enjoy every second of it. Without feeling guilty.

Being Present

How many times have I been in a conversation with someone and realize that I’ve only been half listening? Has that ever happened to you? Someone is talking to you and at some point you’ve completely stopped listening only to be brought back to reality when you realize they are staring at you, expecting an answer to the question they just asked you. Instead of admitting you weren’t listening, you answer with a nod or a yes, praying it was a yes or no question and that you would’ve really answered yes if you were listening.

I compare my mind to my computer; I’ve always got at least 10 tabs open so I can easily jump back and forth from one thing to another. Am I really giving 100% to any one of those tabs? Not a chance.

So I’ve decided to slow down once again. To try to do one thing at a time. I say try because this will be a big challenge for me, but one I am up to for sure. I used to have an amazing memory, I wouldn’t forget a thing. Lately I’ve been forgetful and I know it’s because I’m not truly present in each moment.

My mind is always looking ahead to what’s next, what task needs to be caught up, what fire do I need to put out.

I no longer want to “brag” about how busy I am and that if only I could find a free minute I could take a breath. I can control that. I can set better boundaries. It’s not easy for me to do, but in order for me to slow down, I need to STOP saying YES the everything and everybody and START saying YES to me.

Part of this journey for me is to learn to put myself first without feeling guilty. It’s a hard part, but it’s needed and deserved.

I can’t pour from an empty cup, I can’t be present and focused with 10 tabs always open. So tonight, I’m shutting this tab down early and getting some much needed sleep.

Until tomorrow….

Day 24 Accountability Challenge

It’s only 4:00 in the afternoon and I am already writing this blog. This is what I was talking about yesterday, by having my afternoon off again, I have found more time. Time to get the things I normally am rushing to get done at 8:00 p.m., done. It’s a great feeling and I knew I missed this but didn’t realize how much until now.

My day usually consists of getting up at 5:20’ish, to have some “me” time before the kids get up and the hustle bustle of the morning begins. I drop my daughter off at school about 7:30 and then it’s off to work for me.  I like to get places early. When I feel rushed or feel as if I am running late, my anxiety heightens. So while I don’t have to clock in until 8:00, getting to work at 7:30 gives me time to grab my 2 poached eggs and 2 slices of bacon in the cafeteria, get a cup of coffee and a cup of my favorite chewy ice and see what my day looks like, all before the phone starts ringing or I have people stopping in with questions. I am a morning person, I function so much better in the morning than I do later in the day or even night.

Waking up to catch a glimpse of the sunrise gives me a sense of calm, knowing that every day the sun rises, so do I. And on the other end of the spectrum, I love sunsets too. Watching the sun set on the horizon gives me a sense of accomplishment most days.  Not all days, but most days. Knowing that every day I am doing the best I can and the next day will be a different set of “best I can’s.”

Being able to get up each morning, knowing that I can choose how I want my day to go, is a new level of awareness that is finally sinking in. Setting my attitude in the direction of gratitude has been huge for me. There are most certainly days I don’t want to get out of bed to face the day, but those days are rare for me.  Most days I get up after saying my three gratitudes, and I look forward to the connections I’ll make, the lessons I’m bound to learn and the lives I’ll be able to touch.

Being able to center myself in the quietness of the morning has given me a new sense of peace. I know that I am never guaranteed another morning, so when I wake and see the sunrise, I am reminded that it’s up to me to decide how I want to go forward into the day. Do I want to live small and quiet or do I want to live bold and brave? As the sun shall rise with it’s burning brightness, so shall I with my inner light.

 

 

Day 23 Accountability Challenge

Here I am, still plugging away.  Seven days until I hit my 30 Day mark. And then what? I won’t  quit writing. This has been a huge benefit for me personally. It’s like a compass, keeping me focused and aware.

I talked yesterday about the habits I’ve created. I am working on creating a better balance. “Real” work is back to being manageable so I am back to getting an afternoon off each week. This is going to be huge for me. To be able to have uninterrupted 2 or 3 hours each week to catch up or just practice some self-care. I’ve got so many irons in the fire and not enough hours in the day to start and finish any of them. That’s going to change.

I am focusing on being healthy. Overall, mind, body, and soul.  They are all connected.  As I begin to work on little bits of each they will begin to align with each other.

The key to this is ACTION. Without action, there can be no growth or change. And by action, I don’t mean just spinning my wheels, talking about it. I am talking about doing it. Not just talking the talk, but actually walking the walk.

It’s funny how I can start off strong, with great willpower and drive and then life gets in the way and I can come up with 100 excuses. So how do I keep the momentum going? I think it’s by just keeping it in the forefront, checking in by writing. Being aware. Eventually, like I noticed yesterday, I’ll look back and see my progress again. Just because I am not seeing huge changes doesn’t mean there aren’t any. I feel like a broken record because I’ve been talking about this for 23 days.

But you know what, I’ll keep talking about it and anything else that comes up. That’s the beauty of just being me. The showing up and just getting these thoughts out, no matter how many times it takes me saying them.

Progress, not perfection. Perfectly, Imperfect. Not setting such huge expectations, but looking for the experiences and lessons I am learning.

I think we all struggle with balance. Finding a way to manage everyday life. I think the key to finding balance is to stop obsessing about it. The key is to just simply let each day be what it is and to be okay with that. I am not sure there can ever be complete balance in my life, and I am learning to be okay with it. The balance in my life is being open and accepting of the unbalance. Balance isn’t something you find, it’s something you create. By accepting that life is full of imbalance I quit forcing balance and things fall into place as they are meant.

 

 

 

Day 16 Accountability Challenge

A friend shared with me (thanks, Marisol) that Mercury went into Retrograde on Monday. This means during this time…shit like electronics, technology, travel, and communication are delayed, slowed down, for the next three weeks. Accompanied with an intense Solar eclipse next week on the 21st, we also have residue from the full moon and lunar eclipse energy. Hence, the emotional crap we are feeling or issues that are re-surfacing.

Isn’t that just GREAT!!! I feel like Mercury has been in Retrograde for me for months, lol. I’ve been learning lessons, letting go of things that no longer serve me, and releasing negative emotions. I’ve also been trying to accept the things that aren’t meant for me. It’s hard to not hold onto things that look like they are meant for us, but end up not being. Sometimes ego plays a part in that, actually, that’s alot of time for me.  I want to know the why behind everything. And I want to know now. Remember that patience thing I was talking about?  Yeah, I am still working on that.

Why do we hold on so tight to things we know we should let go, or aren’t good for us? Why can’t we remember that when we let go of the things not meant for us, the things that ARE have room to enter? It’s not until we clear our space of negative or unneeded energy that we can let in positive energy. But dangit, that’s hard to do sometimes.

Life is a constant ebb and flow, receiving and letting go. When we open ourselves to experiences instead of having expectations, we allow ourselves to make new blueprints. We start to erase our past habits and create new ones. That’s what I’ve been doing these 16 days. What started out as a 30 Day Accountability Challenge, has turned into a 30 day AWARENESS Challenge.

By writing every day, I have become more in tune with my thoughts and feelings. I am learning the ebb and flow of my journey and remembering that even the moments I feel don’t happy, I am growing and lessons are being learned. So when I need to release something that isn’t meant for me, and by the way, you might wonder how I know it’s not? I’m listening to my intuition, it never lies (I only choose to ignore it when I think I know better.) When I release it, I am learning to thank the experience for the lesson I received and I welcome new positive energy into my life. So bring it on Universe, I am ready to accept whatever is next.