When Working Out Sucks

My C25K training SUCKED tonight. I could have easily stopped after the 5 minute warm-up, but where would have that gotten me?

Alot of things in life aren’t easy, in fact some things down right suck. But if we quit after 5 minutes of doing something, we aren’t going to get anywhere. Sometimes we have to put our heads down and push through the uncomfortableness. As I pushed through my run tonight, I felt my calves tighten, my shin splints were screaming at me to stop. But I didn’t. I put my head down and turned my music up and I pushed myself into the uncomfortable.

When I heard my one minute left cue, I broke into a smile. One of those shit grins that said, “See, I knew you could do it!” My calves were still tight and my shin splints were still screaming, but my heart was full. It’s the easiest thing in the world to give up when things start to get hard.  To push through that hard and get to the other side, that’s where growth starts. That’s where progress is made.

So the next time I am tempted to quit, I will remember the feeling of pride and accomplishment that I am feeling right now. I will put my head down, turn my music up and I will push past the hard and into the growth.

 

Day 28 Accountability Challenge

Two for two. Two days in a row with a structured workout AND good eating. I am feeling great. I am feeling motivated. I started (re-started) running tonight. It’s been over a year since I’ve actually run as part of my “exercise.”  

It felt really good to push my body again. I am posting my daily progress on my Facebook Page. By putting it out there, just as I have put this blog out there, I am helping myself to stay accountable. 

I was never athletic when I was younger. I was in “Drill Team” as a sophomore in High School. I tried to play basketball when I was about 12 maybe and had no idea what I was doing and got yelled at from the Coach and I was done. 

I started running when I was 35. I don’t remember what made me decide to try it, but I remember telling my sisters and brother-in-law I was going to start running. Like it was no big deal. Ha ha. No big deal. Coming from someone who had never run a day in her life. They looked at me like I was going through a mid-life crisis. Which, in reality, I was. 

Running would become a way for me to escape from my everyday thoughts. I became obsessed with it. I downloaded a simple app called C25K and started running; every day. The more I ran, the better I began to feel about myself. I had never been in such great shape physically. I had never felt such pride in myself for doing something that no one thought I would or could do. I was doing it, I was a RUNNER.

My brother-in-law was an athlete and he took it upon himself to become my running/race partner. I ran my first 5K in April 2008, on a cold, wintry day, and I did it! I ran the entire thing!! I was hooked, I didn’t run fast by any means, I think my finish time at that race came in right around 45 minutes. That wasn’t the point, at all. The point was I did it. Something I never thought I could do.

After that, we started finding more 5K races in the area and we ran a half a dozen or so of those before we decided to bump it up to a 10K. I’ll never forget my first 10K either, I came in DEAD LAST, behind a woman who had to have been at least 8 months pregnant. Did it bother me? Not one bit. Because I had run that whole damn course and I didn’t stop. 

After that, we bumped it up to a Half-Marathon. We ran it out in the Black Hills of South Dakota. It started at the Crazy Horse Monument and ran downhill on the Mikkelson Trail. It was October, my favorite time of year, and in the Hills of South Dakota, the weather was perfect, the scenery was even better.

I didn’t run that entire race, about half way through my IT Band started screaming at me. I did, however, find a woman who was a few years older than myself, also doing the run/walk thing I was attempting. A complete stranger, but in that moment, we were connected by a single goal.

She and I finished the race together. I remember turning the corner and seeing the finish line staring at us and we looked at each other and said, we ARE going to finish this, running. And as we grabbed each other’s hand, we ran through that finish line with our hands held high in the air. WE DID IT!

We were complete strangers, I never even got her name, but we were brought together during a moment of empathy and compassion for each other. We were kindred spirits for 6 miles. It was beautiful.

As I remember back to the feeling of finishing that race, holding my hands in the air with a complete stranger, I know that is something I want to feel again. The connection to others going through something that will change their lives in some way. Experiencing that accomplishment together.

So as I re-start my running journey, I think back and smile, remembering that I did it once and I will do it again. And maybe this time, I’ll be someone’s anchor to help them through the pain to the finish line. Holding our hands up and tears running down our faces. Sharing a bond, if only for a few minutes.

Day 21 Accountability Challenge

 

Today was a much better day than the previous two. I am feeling back to normal. Today was busy, but I managed to eat fairly well. When I get a half a minute I am going to continue to make a plan so that I can have ingredients at home for quick, healthy meals.

I feel more in control of my choices. I did manage a glimpse of the Eclipse today, which was pretty neat. I am releasing the icky energy from the weekend.

I am also being reminded that it’s okay to ask for help when needed. I don’t need to prove to anyone (including myself) that I can do it all. I’ve had the mentality for so many years that asking for help made me look weak, or that asking for help, put other people out.

I’ve always said that I won’t be dependent on anyone. I can take care of myself, and everyone around me. That mindset has caused me much-unneeded stress. I am the first to chastise a friend when they don’t ask for help, yet I am the same way.

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. I’ve got to repeat that until I actually believe it. I’ve got to let myself be vulnerable. Remind myself that accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. Accepting help is nothing to be ashamed of. So why does it make me feel less than sometimes?

Those are my latest musings. Is it pride that keeps me from asking or accepting help? Is it lack of self-worth? I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, but I think that I am being my own toughest critic here, no one else. This is self-imposed.

I have to sit back and smile, when one lesson is learned, another one appears. Life is full of lessons, which I am thankful for. Growth isn’t comfortable, growth stretches us to our limits and then some. When I stop seeing things as lessons, that means I’ve stopped growing and I don’t ever want to stop growing. Growth is what makes all things possible, leaping into the unknown and trusting that the net will appear. It’s scary as hell, but on the other side of fear is a possibility.