Busy-ness: Is What’s Keeping you Busy Helping you Grow?

People tell me all of the time how busy they are and if they weren’t so busy they could be doing this or that. I am one of those “too busy” people. I made excuses for not doing the things I said were important to me.

Sometimes we hide behind our busyness and use it as a way to shield ourselves from the real work inside ourselves. If we stay to busy we don’t let ourself have the time to think about things that may be bothering us or may need to be addressed and dealt with.

I can raise my hand high to this, but recently I set a boundary to start letting go of the “busy” and start focusing on the work I want to put in for myself. How about you? Are you staying too busy for a reason?

Burning the Candle at Both Ends

After a really insightful conversation with a friend today, I finally admitted to myself that I am burning my candle at both ends with the middle becoming imminent.

I tend to try to do everything and be everything to everyone and that leaves little time to be what I need to myself. I’ve grown so much, yet something inside of me still feels the need to prove myself. To who? I’m not sure if it’s to someone else or if it’s to me. Someone tells me it can’t be done and I’ll prove them wrong, someone tells me I can’t do something and again, I’ll prove them wrong. But at what expense does that come?

I’ve been juggling too many balls lately. Trying to not let anyone down, trying to be the best mom, the best employee, the best friend, the best editor, writer, life coach and the list goes on and on. This reminds me of a quote that resonates with me: “I can do ANYTHING, but I can’t do EVERYTHING.”

A good friend and mentor posted something on her Facebook page My Brilliant Transformation about doing a bowl burning ceremony on New Year’s Eve. The meaning behind this ceremony has been rolling around in my head all evening and I am going to do it. I often talk about letting go of what doesn’t serve me, yet it’s so easy to hang on to things.  I hang on to things because I don’t want to look like a failure like I can’t handle it. I don’t want to be looked upon as giving up on something I’ve started. Yet, hanging onto certain things prevents me from growth. When I hang onto the things that are draining me and dimming my light, I don’t have room to let the things that will fill me and make my light shine brightly again.

Letting go doesn’t equal failure or not being good enough. Letting go means that I know I can’t continue with things that suck my energy, the things that have run their course. Letting go doesn’t always mean completely cutting the cord, sometimes it means just stepping back and knowing how much I can handle. Knowing my worth and standing tall in my truth.

When I cling to things that are no longer meant for me in certain ways, I prevent the things that are meant for me to come into my life. It prevents me from continuing to grow and learn. And that is something I cannot let happen. I won’t let my light be burnt out because the candle has burned completely up. Snuffing out one end so that the other can flare up and catch fire again is a beautiful thing.

As I write this, I am still in my work clothes and winter coat. I haven’t taken the time to even eat supper. That, my friends, isn’t living. It’s being busy and being busy without living doesn’t serve a purpose.

Day 9 Challenge: What are you holding onto that no longer serves you? Are you burning the candle at both ends? What can you release so that your light can shine brighter and your shoulders no longer feel the weight of unneeded thoughts or duties? Let something go, feel your cup fill back up and let your shoulders relax. This is self-care my friends, and we all owe it to ourselves to care for ourselves first.

 

 

 

Waiting

I’m a mom. My kids have always been my number one priority. So this morning as I sit in a waiting room while my first born goes in for an MRI; so many thoughts cross my mind.

I’m proud of both my kids; and not because they are great students and athletes, because they are great people. So many times the world gets caught up in measuring a persons worth by their achievements on and off the playing field and in and out of the classroom. Sure having a 4.0 GPA is great and being a four sport athlete shows dedication; but what is important to me, as a parent, is that my children are good humans and are happy.

I don’t want them ever to think their worth is measured by the things they accomplish. I want them to know if they do the right thing; show up for themselves and others with genuine respect and love–that is enough.

Success isn’t measured by the amount of money or trophies and medals that are won. Success is measured by the moments and choices we make.

If my children can stay true to themselves and let their compassion and spirits lead them; I have no doubt they will be successful in anything they do.

Their worth isn’t measured by how many injuries they’ve fought through because they needed to be tough on the playing field; it isn’t measured by proving something to someone.

Being part of a team is being part of a family and is what teaches them life lessons, gratitude and discipline. Showing up for others and knowing when it’s time to step back and let someone else shine. Knowing that being part of a team is something bigger than winning or losing; it’s about being there for your teammates and having their backs.

I’m proud of my kids; not because of what they’ve accomplished but because of who they are.

Hiding in Plain Sight

I recognize lately, I’ve been hiding. In plain sight. Going about my business and getting shit done. Because that’s what I do. That’s what I’ve always done. Something needs taken care of?  I’m your girl.

But I am feeling a little stuck in the in-between, and while I know I always say the in-between serves us well, doesn’t mean I like it. Have you ever felt like you’re living two different lives and not sure which one you need to focus on more? On one hand, I’m a mom of two great kids and two fur kids and I juggle everything that falls into that realm. On another hand, I am an Insurance Coordinator at my full-time day job, and while I love the work I do, lately, it’s been over the top stressful in the office. And then on yet another hand (wait I don’t have three hands, do I? Hence the problem…) I am working towards building my Life Coaching business, I am a managing editor for a great web magazine (The Good Men Project) and I am trying to figure out where that all fits into my “real world” situation.

My “real world” situation is this; I realized last night I’ve been divorced for 4 years. I hadn’t even thought about it and didn’t even realize the date until something hit me while Christmas shopping with my daughter. The first two years after my divorce was pretty much a train-wreck emotionally and with relationships. And then something magical happened. I found a group on Facebook called “This is Your Tribe.” I found a man named John Kim and a business called Shft. I became a certified Life Coach and boom, things started happening for me.

Fast forward to today and here I am, having grown SO much, yet so many things still the same. I still struggle with my insecurities, my lack of self-confidence and not knowing where I want to be. I have so many things to be thankful for, yet I crave so much more. I read a post by a friend this morning who described wanting someone to hold her and tell her everything will be okay, to have someone help carry the burden and to share silly moments and intimacy with. I crave that, yet I also fear it and I know when the time is right, when I am ready, the universe will deliver.

I still struggle with comparing myself to others, knowing that comparison is the thief of all joy. I know all these things, yet there are times, they overwhelm me and I have to sit with them, as uncomfortable as they are. There are days it would be so easy to say screw it and return to the safe little cocoon I once lived in. I feel the heaviness in my chest as I type this, knowing I can never return. Once a caterpillar leaves the cocoon and becomes the beautiful butterfly, there is no other way, but to spread its wings and fly.

And so here I am honoring the space of in-between. The space of not sure which way to turn. What to focus on and what I need to release. Maybe I don’t have to release anything, maybe I just need to adjust the balance. Maybe I need to love myself a little more and show myself a little more grace and accept where I am right now- Perfectly Imperfect.

 

 

 

 

 

Getting Called Out And Looking Inward.

Reflection of myself and letting go of the fear of being accepted.

How many times has this happened to you?

Someone pays you a compliment and you deflect it by complimenting them back or shrugging it off as no big deal?

How many times have you asked someone how their day was; not really being interested in knowing, but just to make conversation?

How often have you been the person who was asked how their day was and breezed over it by saying “it was good” or “I am good”? Because you don’t want to appear like you’re a whiner or you don’t have your shit together?

I did this today. And thank goodness I have a good friend who questioned me about it and made me stop and think.

I like to appear like I’ve got all my shit together; but honestly I don’t. I still worry if I am saying the right thing to the right person or if what I’ve said will upset someone. That’s the part of me that I need to work on some more. It doesn’t matter if what I say isn’t like by everyone; I have the right to my own thoughts and opinions. Those people who are genuine and true will love me for who I am. The rest can go take a hike.

I need to learn to get comfortable in the silence; the awkwardness of no conversation. (Thanks for the reminder of this too Paul).

I don’t have all the answers and that’s ok. So instead of trying to fill the silence with surface conversation; I will be more aware of what I am saying and who I am saying it to. No more fluff. If I ask you how your day is; it’s because I really want to know. If I compliment you; it’s because I want to, not because I expect one in return.

I will also work on accepting compliments without deflecting them. This is going to be a true challenge for me. And I challenge the rest of you to do the same.

Get comfortable sitting in an awkward silence. Practice saying a simple “Thank You” and nothing more when someone compliments you.

I am here raising my hand, owning my own shit and admitting I am still PERFECTLY IMPERFECT and always a work in progress.

Thank you April for holding up the mirror for me today. You are a true friend and blessing.

Being Happy, For No Reason

Have you ever just sat for a moment and felt pure happiness? It’s like a wave of calm and peace that rushes over me. I can’t “make” it happen, just like I can’t predict when it will. But when it does; it centers me, it gives me a moment of clarity.

Lately, there have been times when I haven’t taken the time to be truly grateful and present in each moment. So today, I am reflecting on the past few weeks, even months. I’ve had amazing things happen and I’d like to think my outlook and vibe have everything to do with that.

I still struggle in several areas of my life, and probably always will. But I’ve come to accept and be aware that the struggles help me notice the little things that make me happy. The struggles help me remember all I do have in my life. I will always be a work in progress and I am okay with that, actually, I welcome it. Being a work in progress means that I am always looking to learn, to dig deeper and to be humble.

Being humble means opening myself up to new opportunities for growth. Being happy for no reason does the same thing. It releases the expectations that happiness needs to come from certain things or from certain situations. Happiness can be had at any time and at any moment, if we open ourselves up to it. If we look for the wish, instead of the weed.

Happiness comes in many forms. It has washed over me when I catch a glimpse of one of my children laughing for no reason. When I see my dog looking at me with those eyes that radiate love with no conditions. When I hear that a friend has had something amazing happen to them. Happiness isn’t a place or a thing, it’s a way of thinking and feeling. It’s being grateful for all that I have, instead of complaining about what I want more of.

Gratitude and happiness walk hand in hand. Today, I am grateful and happy for no reason at all, which is the best reason by far.

 

When Working Out Sucks

My C25K training SUCKED tonight. I could have easily stopped after the 5 minute warm-up, but where would have that gotten me?

Alot of things in life aren’t easy, in fact some things down right suck. But if we quit after 5 minutes of doing something, we aren’t going to get anywhere. Sometimes we have to put our heads down and push through the uncomfortableness. As I pushed through my run tonight, I felt my calves tighten, my shin splints were screaming at me to stop. But I didn’t. I put my head down and turned my music up and I pushed myself into the uncomfortable.

When I heard my one minute left cue, I broke into a smile. One of those shit grins that said, “See, I knew you could do it!” My calves were still tight and my shin splints were still screaming, but my heart was full. It’s the easiest thing in the world to give up when things start to get hard.  To push through that hard and get to the other side, that’s where growth starts. That’s where progress is made.

So the next time I am tempted to quit, I will remember the feeling of pride and accomplishment that I am feeling right now. I will put my head down, turn my music up and I will push past the hard and into the growth.

 

Day 30 Accountability Challenge

I did it. 30 days down. It’s not the end, in fact I’ve realized it’s time for me to get out of my own way!

I realized this morning (or should I say I admitted) I’ve been my own obstacle for such a long time. Sure there have been outside influences that have affected some of the choices I’ve made, but overall the resounding brick to the face moment made me admit that it’s me.

I have the power to make the choices I need to move to the next level. I have let fear stall me for too long. Fear is a LIAR. The little gremlins in my head have been noisy for too long.

Growth is on the other side of fear. I’ve got a tremendous support system that won’t let me down. It’s time I take the leap and trust that the net will appear.

Fear tries to tell me that I won’t be strong enough or fit enough to keep running. I say to that fear; I already am.

Fear tries to tell me I won’t be a good enough Catalyst Life Coach. I tell that fear that I am already a hell of a Catalyst Life Coach.

Fear tries to tell me that I can’t remove this lack mentality when it comes to money. Fear can take a hike.

I’ve put the ball into play. I’m taking action to achieve my goals. I am trusting that as I leap the net will appear.

Join me in this next phase of telling fear to fuck off. Let’s take this walk into the unknown and let’s leap together. I promise I’ll be standing right beside you every step of the way.

Day 28 Accountability Challenge

A couple of big wins for me today. My eating was spot on and I made it to the gym for a 75 minute workout.

Why is it that it’s so easy to NOT work out? Especially when I feel so amazing and accomplished when I am done?

I’m refocused and may turn this 30 Day Challenge into a 60 Day one. I can’t imagine not writing every day now. My head is spinning with ideas and things to talk about and I have to remind myself to slow down and be patient.

On Day 30; I will look back at Day 1 and do a reset. Figure out what worked and what didn’t. The goals I have are pretty concrete- it’s the HOW I get them accomplished that is always changing. And that’s ok, no two days are ever alike and what I thought once might work; didn’t and what I didn’t think would work, just might.

That’s the beauty of it; I get to start, stop, pivot, detour and restart all over again with every morning. I get to find out what works best for me on any given day and I get to change the blueprint as many times as I want.

I get to decide how I want to face my days; and by allowing myself the grace to change my path as often as I need; I am showing myself that no matter what; I am always growing.

As I sit here and think about what tomorrow may look like; I am also thinking that whatever is does look like; I’ll meet head on and make it work for me and not against me. In every struggle or uncomfortable moment, there is a lesson to be learned, growth to be made, and I am ready for more growth.

As I think about the infinite number of possibilities in this life; I open myself up to whatever comes next. I want my light to shine so brightly that others can’t help but absorb some of it to help fuel their own lights.

As I close my eyes, I envision the best version of myself and I smile; knowing that she already exists within me.

Day 27 Accountability Challenge

I am beyond humbled today from the response I received about my Day 26 blog. I wrote from my heart, I relived every moment from 27 years ago and the words poured out.

I am finding myself, again. I am re-inventing myself.  I am shedding the layers that I created over the years to protect myself from hurt, embarrassment, and betrayal. It’s not always a fun journey, but it’s the only way I know how to do this. How to become the best version of myself. The only way out is through. Through sometimes looks like a dark tunnel with a tiny glimpse of light at the end. But I hold onto that light, I know as I keep moving towards it, even at the slowest pace, I am growing.

There are days I stop moving completely, scared to make a decision, or just overwhelmed by all of the possibilities. There are days that I can’t move fast enough, wanting to be “there” already.  But what is “there?”  Why do I have to keep searching for something? Living in the present moment is enough, taking in each breath, each step. Feeling the sun on my face, hearing the laughter of my kids.

So many times I get caught up in wanting to move to the next step, level up. I forget that where I am at the present moment is exactly where I am supposed to be. Living in the present allows me to slow down and enjoy every movement, every connection I make. Slowing down allows me to appreciate the now.

I have to tell myself, out loud sometimes, that I am enough, I am me and there is no one else like me, anywhere. What I can offer this world are my words. I struggle sometimes trying to find my niche in this new life I am creating. I compare myself to others and end up beating myself up. And then I realize, again, that there is no comparison. An apple is an apple and a peach is a peach and both are equally delightful in their own unique ways.

As I reflect on the past 24 hours, I am feeling at peace. Hearing my mom’s words echo in my head, knowing that I am exactly where I am meant to be. Everything up to this point happened to get me here and everything continues to happen just the way it is supposed to. It’s pretty amazing really when I stop and think about it. If one thing had happened differently, I’d be in a completely different space. I smile knowing that the reason things didn’t happen differently, is because THIS is the space I am meant to be in.